A TRYING DAY

[dejavou]

Some of you will remember my telling you about my lovely friend Dorothy who has been in a care home for 3½ years now, she has had to be moved into nursing dementia care as she needs more specialised care.

Well today was moving day, and very trying it has been, she's not been out of doors for 2 years so she was quite upset with the taxi journey from one place to another, plus all the moving about, strange surroundings, different mealtimes and all new faces to get used to, I left her at 5.30, she was still crying and wouldn't let go of my hand, I feel terrible, I know there is nothing else I could do, but I feel I have deserted her ..... what a bastard disease dementia is, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

How unfair life is when somebody with no hope of having any quality of life continues to suffer year after year, when somebody with everything to live for like Eve is taken years before her time



I will post about Eve's funeral later in the week, I'm just too drained at the moment

[clevewyn]

Know what you mean Deja but who said life was fair.

I have often wondered which would be worse.

Active body but mind gone or active mind but paralysed.

I sincerely hope none of us has to find out the hard way.

[dita]

I understand very well deja, my friend Roma died Nov 09, she deteriated so quickly and they moved her to a more secure dementia unit, she was the same as your dear friend, she did'nt know anyone and was taken out of the familiar surroundings she was used to, as she was confused anyway I think it was the last blow for her. They took her in hospital a couple of months later as she was starving herself to death, they tried to feed her through a tube but she refused to keep it in and in a very short while she died. Although it seemed terrible at the time she is not suffering anymore, I do believe that it was her intention despite her illness, which in the first place was created through the death of her beloved husband.
I know this is no comfort for you being so loyal to your friend but we had a bit of a connection a while ago on my blog.

[Victors Mate]

Life can be so unkind Ann. So many dreadful illnesses, I do wonder whether medical science has improved and given us longer lives but not improved enough to give us the quality of life to match.

Too many times we seem to outlive our health.

[mo]

So very sorry to read about your dear friend Deja.
I know exactly how you must be feeling as I lost my older sister of 87 just before Christmas.

Her children had her put in a private nursing home after her memory was fading fast.
It was a beautiful home but sadly our sister gradually deteriated and couldn't even remember how to eat.

What upset us all is that the staff just let her starve to death. They would leave a drink and a couple of biscuits but our sister refused to have anything put even near her mouth.

We saw her get thinner and thinner and asked if she should be drip fed but they said they weren't a hospital and the doctor said that she couldn't be sent to hospital as her health was fine. In the end she died a poor terribly thin old lady.

Although they weren't feeding our sister they still charged £1,000 per week to keep her in the home.

[Corrie]

Terrible stories above....we can only hope that we get through this life without this terrible type of suffering. I so agree that not enough funds are put into more research. We watched a programme last night which featured three people given cameras to film the last weeks of their lives, at home, in a care home, and in hospital. It was atrocious and almost had me in tears. David Cameron said this would'nt happen under his rule, something MUST change and soon.

[mazzy]

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this - it is so hard to watch someone you care for being upset. You have done so much for her, and, if she gets moments of clarity, she will remember the good times. Don't feel sad for today but happy for the good times.
Hopefully she will soon settle, and you will know that she is safe, and hopefully being given the expert help she needs.

Take a bit if time for yourself - this, on top of the funeral, must have really been very hard for you.

[Lacemaker]

You will really be ready for that trip o Vegas, deja.

[dejavou]

40 Days to go Hazel, I'll just need to arrange visiting cover whilst I'm away, I don't like her to be more than 1 day without a visitor

I went this evening after work, 1½ hours to get there on the bus she was a bit agitated but settled down after a few hugs and a bit of fuss, as I was there at tea time I gave her her meal which looked very nice, so that's good and I feel a bit more settled today

I just need her to get used to the change now and hopefully all will be well