So sorry to be a bit of a doom and gloom lately, but I just can't get over seeing our eldest sister May of 87 in a nursing home.She used to be such good fun until her husband passed away about 12 years ago and since then gradually went down hill with senile dimentia.
Apart from Dorrie and I she is the only one of eight sisters and one brother living. That is what's not so nice about being the youngest in a family, you gradually lose your brother and sisters.

Though it's a beautiful home May is in, she and all the other patients are sitting on chairs just staring vacantly. Not knowing what is happening around them.
May hardly recognises Dorrie and I and just keeps mumbling "I don't feel very well" and "I want to go home." She isn't eating or drinking hardly anything. It is so pathetic to see her. What has really upset me is, when one of the elderly women said to a carer. "I want to go home" and the carer said. Darling this is your home now. How awful to be told that. Surely she could have said, "When you are well you can go home."

This home is costing May's savings, £2,000 per month.
Her daughter and son wanted her to stay home and have 24 hour care but this would have cost a lot more.

May never smoked, hardly drank and never ate red meat. Her bodily health is fine, but who would want to live a long life just sitting staring vacantly day in and day out. I know I wouldn't.

So sad, Mo,to see our loved ones like that.

A friend of mine is the youngest of seven too, and she has lost all but one.

It's very sad to watch a loved one suffer dementia, but if it's any consolation, you'll be suffering about it much more than May is. Just try to be cheerful with her and as normal as possible, because seeing you upset will unsettle her.

My friend Dorothy has been in care 4 years now and every visit now is as difficult as the first for me, but my consolation is she's unaware of her deteriation and the passage of time

Be strong for her Mo

I am so very sorry, Mo.

Yes its heartbreaking to see your loved ones deteriorating and not being able to do anything about it. I am the last one in my family and I count myself extremely lucky to have lived into my 80s. None of my brothers and sister did.
You have one consolation Mo and that is you say its a beautiful home that May is in.
SO many of these so called care homes are not and that must be more of a wrench for the families who go to see their loved ones.
Keep your chin up because it sounds as though May is in her own little world now where nothing can hurt her including what life she has left.
You will only make yourself ill with worrying so try to tell yourself that she is being well looked after.

So sorry to read this Mo. At least she seems to be pain-free. I think relatives suffer more by watching than the person with dementia. All you cn do is keep cheerful for her sake.

Penny wrote:So sorry to read this Mo. I think relatives suffer more by watching than the person with dementia. All you can do is keep cheerful for her sake.

[font=Tahoma]I was trying to think what I could say ... Penny has put into words exactly that. [/font]

As others have said, it is the relatives who suffer most. I'm really sorry to hear about this Mo. It must be awful for you.

How awful for you and Dorrie Mo - its a terrible terrible illness, one I think we are all terrified of getting. I'm so sorry that your sister has it.

All that can be done is to keep her comfortable and well looked after. When my mum had dementia I used to take her out for a ride in the car, maybe look round a garden centre or even take her to Tesco, she liked shopping... we'd always call in somewhere for a cuppa and a cream cake. She used to enjoy these little outings. Is there anything you could do like that, rather than just visit her in the home?

Mo - such a cruel disease and heartbreaking to see. My friend runs a home for people with dementia and tries to tell relatives that her residents are often much happier than they appear. They can become tearful very easily but just as easily forget. Do you feel your sister's home is as good as it could be?

Gosh. you all have cheered me up no end.
Thank you for all the lovely caring postings. I really was feeling so very down but after your words I feel lifted.
Dorrie and I will be visiting May sometime next week and I will be feeling so much more positive knowing that she is comfortable and in good care.

I was dreading going there again but your postings have made me see things in a different light. Thankyou so very much.