Calling all Cat lovers....

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Calling all Cat lovers....

Postby Josieclick » Tue May 24, 2005 1:11 pm

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Postby Monsy » Tue May 24, 2005 3:02 pm

That's clever, Josie. A ggod way of getting the message across.
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Postby vannin » Tue May 24, 2005 3:58 pm

Great one, Josie!
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Postby Tiddles » Fri Feb 24, 2006 3:56 pm

For the cat lovers in the crowd.............

Rules for Cats to Live By

BATHROOMS: Always accompany humans to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.

Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.

When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them.

Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!
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Postby Tiddles » Fri Feb 24, 2006 3:58 pm

How to give a cat a pill

1. Pick the cat up & cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger & thumb on either side of cat’s mouth & gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into it, allow cat to close mouth & swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor & cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm & repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open & push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl & cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front & rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler & rub cats throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from the foilwrap. Make note to buy a new rule & repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered 'Dolton' figures from hearth & set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel & get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil & blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pills not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partners forearm & remove blood from carpet with cold water & soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed & get another pill. Place cat in cupboard & close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon & flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage & put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek & check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away & fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road & apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine & bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed & pry cats mouth open with a small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically & pour a pint of water down throat to wash down pill.

14. Get partner to drive you to A&E & sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers & forearms & remove pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat & ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
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Postby Monsy » Sun Feb 26, 2006 1:17 am

I've just spotted these - great stuff Tiddles! :mrgreen:
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Postby Mgzy » Sun May 14, 2006 11:50 pm

BATHROOMS: Always accompany humans to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

hmmmmm.. how true... Can't "go" without the company of cat.... tsk...
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