Dear Mr Cameron.....

Jokes and funny stories

Dear Mr Cameron.....

Postby toolip2 » Tue May 17, 2011 2:47 pm

Now here is a letter to the Prime Minister Of England but it could also work in other countries but I think most other countries are not as bad




Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....

and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

If not, please disregard.

Grumpies of the World Unite

Also………..

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

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COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

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THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we just give them ours?

It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.

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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.

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Also;

Think about this .... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!
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Postby Maywalk » Tue May 17, 2011 3:11 pm

Loved it. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby dita » Tue May 17, 2011 4:12 pm

Brilliant, now how the hell do we make him do it???
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Postby Penny » Tue May 17, 2011 4:59 pm

Brilliant, I have passed these on to several. Lets hope Mr.C reads them. cheers Penny
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Postby Corrie » Tue May 17, 2011 6:52 pm

What a gem....brilliant!
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Postby Monika » Tue May 17, 2011 7:58 pm

Pity it's classed as humour ............. should be taken far more seriously.

Excellent.

I always remember my teenage son, many year's ago, upon learning of the many 'perks' that HM prisoners got as standard, remarking that it was a pity prisons are full of crooks etc, otherwise he'd quite like to go there.
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Postby Corrie » Tue May 17, 2011 8:54 pm

My hubby has said the same, I was listening to James Whale on the radio who was talking about Kenneth Clarke saying "short sentences just don't work so they are to be stopped", he said "just one thing to do then, make them long sentences and make them stay there until the whole term is served". Made absolute sense. I'd still kill off murderers personally, when there is no doubt whatsoever (and its far easier with DNA) get rid of them. Human rights wants to be more on the side of the victim too, a moron who had mugged and raped an elderly lady was on telly recently (this was'nt a kid, it was an almost 50 year old), he wants compensation for being threatened by the lady's family, personally I'd have bloody killed him if he'd done that to my Mam.

:evil:
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