Let me tell you a story.....

[daffyd]

This is a story with pictures.......... well video....

This IS what happens when we are forced to work after age 70.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=19THRdXxmaI

[daffyd]

Did ah ever tell yuh about mah visit tuh Canada.... here let this lady tell y'all she has a way with words.....


Let's call it the new Pastime rfor Seniors......

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=L1_W0LCHwK4

[daffyd]

Up to you whether you believe it or not!


Do you like to read a good murder mystery? Then read this.
Not even Law and Order would attempt to capture this mess.
This is an unbelievable twist of fate!!

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, (AAFS)
President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death.

Now as you proceed lets see how many times you change your mind about the guilty party....

Here is the story:


On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and
concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a 10-story building intending to
commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.

As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun
blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had
been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building
workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his

suicide the way he had planned.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was
occupied by an elderly man and his wife.
They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun!
The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt,

one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'

When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both

adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded..

The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with
the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her.

Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is,
assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's

son loading the shotgun about 6 weeks prior to the fatal accident.

It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support
and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun
threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father
would shoot his mother.

Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder

even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now for the exquisite twist...

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder.
This led him to jump off the 10 story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast

passing through the ninth story window.

The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.
So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.



There now what do you think o' that?

[Skeptik]

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/opus.asp

Funny but false..

[daffyd]

Funneeeeee! Ah tell y'all what made me smile...... that anyone would take the trouble to check out a JOKE on Snopes!!!!!

If yuh liked that one y'all gonna love this baby!!!


No wonder I can't dance very well. Ah didn't start early enough.
Dang, I was 8 before I even started drinking.................

http://www.wimp.com/dancingjive/

[daffyd]

Praise those that pay attention.....and leave their cell phones at home!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... 2_c81Nnsc0

[daffyd]

.....there was this Irish guy.....

Coming off the Beach the Wife said "Hang on a minute somehow I have managed to get a stone in my shoe".
Paddy waited for her thinking to himself. How is she going to get the other 15 stone in the other one?."


Paddy said to Murphy
"The Petrol strike won’t bother me one bit cos my cars a diesel"


Paddy was stopped at the Airport and asked why his passport had a picture of a bottle of shampoo on it.
Paddy replied "On the form it said "Photo must just be head and shoulders"

American tourist asks Irish fisherman why do the Scuba divers all ways leave the boat backwards into the water.
"Well because if they went forward they would still be in the boat" Paddy replies.

Paddy met his girl friend and took her to the Cinema, it was a double bill "Titanic and The Poseidon Adventure"
Mary said I have seen both of these but I don’t mind seeing them again.
Paddy said O.K. but promise me you won’t tell me what they are about or the endings.


My Irish pal said
"I am going out on the Pull tonight" he has a Rickshaw business.

Paddy phoned the Hospital and asked the girl how his Missus was doing after the "Tummy Tuck" Operation and what room she was in ?. The girl answered, "She has not had the operation yet so is still in Rooms 3. 4. and 5.


First day on the Job as a Police man the Sgt. sent Paddy to a Robbery. "Now den Madam what seems to be the trouble?" she was holding an empty wallet and said to Paddy "I’ve lost fifty pounds" so Paddy said, " Bejazus how fat were you before then?"

[daffyd]

.....there was this 'weird' lady offering a few lessons for men..... watch and learn.

Boy!!! This is so good. A watch for ALL men.


VERY GOOD!!!

Gentlemen - this is a short documentary "he, he, he" on how it should be done

Http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=sbF-4LOOC5c

[daffyd]

Frozen Windows

My wife sent me a text at work:



“Windows at home frozen - what should I do?"

Ah replied - "Spray some de-icer or pour hot water on them"

Another text from my wife a few minutes later - "Done that - now computer won't work at all"!

[Penny]

These are brilliant, I love the women one cheers Penny

[daffyd]

Was this you?

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blond.
The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blond continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking
deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, she asked . . .
"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[daffyd]

..............its about this traffic jam....

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped all of our MP’s during a sitting of parliament, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."


They'll soon get £100 millions worth the price of petrol today! Will it be enough?

[Penny]

excellent, cheers Penny

[dita]

Brilliant

[daffyd]

Baptizing An Irishman

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?"
The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

(get ready for this.....)

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,
*
*
*
*
*
*
*



"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?