Let me tell you a story.....

[dita]

[daffyd]

These days we are all into videos and they are getting better and better. I like the fun types with good graphics. Here I 'll show you what I mean......... and may the Farm be with you!

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

[daffyd]

Old is when you can no longer recognise humour

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship
And orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says
'I'm on this cruise to celebrate
My 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says
'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'


As the woman finishes her drink
The woman to her right says
'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says
'Thank you.
Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up' says the bartender
As she finishes that drink,
The man to her left says
'I would like to buy you one, too.'


The old woman says
'Thank you.
Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says
'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'


The old woman replies
'Sonny, when you're my age,
You've learned how to hold your liquor...
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

[Penny]

Love it, cheers Penny

[daffyd]

"What would I do without you Penny?"

Barack Obama and Daffyd are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future.
They both decide to test it by asking a question each.
Barack goes first.“What will the USA be like in 100 years time”
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out
"The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy.
There are no worries”
Daffyd thinks “Its not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that” so he asks
“What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?”
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.
Daffyd just stares at it.
“Come on Daffyd" says Barack, “What does it say?”
Daffyd replies, “Buggered if I know ! It's all in Arabic!”

[Penny]

Very funny, never expected that. cheers Penny

[dita]

That could be so true Daffyd, and maybe the way things going, we shall have to speak Arabic or be thrown to the lions.

I'm not 80yrs yet. But I'm gonna cut down on my water just to be on the safe side.

[daffyd]

About Dear Ole Grandpa

Just Want to Wish You & Yours
A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS
&
A HAPPY NEW YEAR ....


'Twas the night before Christmas & out on the ranch
The pond was froze over & so was the branch.
The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.
The kids were all home on vacation from school.

And happier young folks you never did see-
Just all sprawled around a-watchin' TV.
Then suddenly, some time around 8 o'clock,
There came a surprise that gave them a shock!
The power went off, the TV went dead!
When Grandpa came in from out in the shed
With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.
"Just what I expected," they heard him remark.

"Them power line wires must be down from the snow.
Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago."
"I'll hunt up some candles," said Mom. "With their light,
And the fireplace, I reckon we'll make out all right."

The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.
Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,
Uncased his old fiddle & started to play
That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.
Mom started to sing, & 1st thing they knew

Both Pop & the kids were all singing it, too. ,
They sang Christmas carols, they sang "Holy Night,"
Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.
They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,
And Pop read a passage from God's Book of Truth.

They stayed up till midnight-and, would you believe,
The youngsters agreed 'twas a fine Christmas Eve.
Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;
And when the kids wakened, the power was on...
"The power company sure got the line repaired quick,"

Said Grandpa - & no one suspected his trick.
Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,
He had pulled the main switch -
the old Son-of-a-Gun!

[dita]

I love that Daffyd,
Thanks, and a Happy Christmas To You & All The Best For 2013
xxx

[Corrie]

Wishing you and yours All the Very Best too.

[daffyd]

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my reader!

Food for thought....

In this festive season I would ask, are people who drink alone, in a glass by themselves?
Is a water diviner a 'well' man?
Is cod liver oil good for vitamen 'de fish in sea'

[Penny]

Just caught up again, as usual, brilliant. Happy New Year from me too. cheers Penny

[daffyd]

These are the signs of the times as covertly divulged to me by Lew Dicrous

Roll Call Funny if it wasn't true.........

Registry on the first day back at school in Birmingham.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:-

"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here."

"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."

"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."

"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."

"Mohammed Bin> Kadir?" "Here."

"Ali Son Al Len”
- Silence in the classroom.

"Ali Son Al Len" - Continued silence as everyone
looked around the room.
The teacher repeated the call.

A girl stood up and said,
"Sorry teacher. I think that's me.

It's pronounced Alison Allen.


So begineth the lesson......................

[Penny]

So funny and so true. cheers Penny

[dita]

My future D I L is a teacher at a school very near the town center.
That almost happened in her class room, apart from
this one other lad, she was the only
brit in the class.