Let me tell you a story.....

Jokes and funny stories

Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:15 pm

Do not worry......anymore..... 'THEY' have worked it all out!


Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?
Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.

Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.

It's not aging, it's the damn door! Thank goodness for studies like this.


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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Sat Jan 19, 2013 8:20 pm

Take heed and learn from this......


After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

"Hi sweetheart. It's Eric - I'm on the train."

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".

"No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart".

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

He doesn't use his phone in public any longer.


:rolleye11:
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby Penny » Sat Jan 19, 2013 10:14 pm

Wonderful, must pass that one one. cheers Penny
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:42 pm

Without you Penny I would be reciting in an echo chamber, what is not realised is that it takes a great amount of effort to make things look effortless. We have all heard that talk is cheap.....but not when you're on dial-up!
Hello? Where are they Penny, gone to Bingo? Maybe they gone to bed? Early to bed, early to rise, gives one a fat head and rings round the eyes! Enough, enough.... perhaps if they go round with a bee in their collective bonnets they will soon be stung into action!

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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby Penny » Mon Jan 21, 2013 10:35 pm

Often wonder where everyone is. Probably gone to hibernate. Never mind, keep fingers and everthing else crossed and all will be well in the spring. cheers Penny
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby dita » Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:59 am

I pop in Daffyd, do not always post,
Love what you write.
Cannot understand some folk.
My ex was called Eric. xx
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:38 pm

Dita....did Eric have a mobile phone?

I knew a guy called Eric, a handsome looking lad
Who flirted with the ladies, a bit rougish and a cad
He was always on his mobile with the same old chat up line
But mostly when he was in his cups, (you know, too much wine)
The proposals that he put to gals would steam up a body's specs
That's why he's single and all alone, that's Eric with an X


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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby Penny » Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:24 pm

You have done it again, super., cheers Penny
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:54 pm

You will (bearly) believe what happened next........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... ryxAcsTcOA
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:24 pm

This is happening in a land near you.......

Daftland.

We live in a country called Daftland
The England we knew is
no more
Where sensible people do ludicrous things
Or risk breaking some
Daftland law.

In Daftland we've police dogs with muzzles
Less the
villain has cause to complain
And to steal from a shop and say
'sorry'
Means you're free with no stain to your name.

You had better
leave lights on in buildings
When you lock up and go home at night
'cause
the burglars might hurt themselves entering
And there's no way you'll be in
the right.

When speaking be wary in Daftland
As some terms that you've
used all your life
Now have connotations unintended
And you'll end up in
all sorts of strife.

We elect politicians in Daftland
To give us the
laws of the land
Yet eight laws in ten now come from abroad
The whole
thing has got out of hand.

The borders are open in Daftland
And of
migrants there's no keeping track
Just a few of the thousands illegally
here
Will ever be caught and sent back.

The exception to this is the
hero
Who fought for this land in the war
He's old and he's sick, he might
cost us a bit
So he's not welcome here any more.

When the history is
written of Daftland
Historians may just recall
That the craziest people in
Daftland
Were the public who put up with it all.


The public living in Daftland
When voting came up with a tie
Thereafter a Coalition was formed
So they could perpetrate the same lie

The outcome was as predicted
Both parties vying for power
Achieving nothing but heartache
Oh, what a miserable shower

The truth is we're not European
We're an island that stands tall and proud
If we could trust those we elected
We could cast off the European shroud

A referendum for the electorate in Daftland
To determine if we stay in or get out
Is a promise made by our esteemed leader
So its time to stand up and shout

But wait, he can't fulfil his promise
Until once more we go to the polls
By that time the Coalition will have crumbled
And the referendum will be all full of holes.

:sad:
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby dita » Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:13 pm

[quote="daffyd"]Dita....did Eric have a mobile phone?

I knew a guy called Eric, a handsome looking lad
Who flirted with the ladies, a bit rougish and a cad
He was always on his mobile with the same old chat up line
But mostly when he was in his cups, (you know, too much wine)
The proposals that he put to gals would steam up a body's specs
That's why he's single and all alone, that's Eric with an X


How did you know what ex Eric was like?
You were spot on Daffyd :thinking:
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby dita » Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:16 pm

Daftland is spot on as well.
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby daffyd » Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:48 pm

Its a gift!


Now here is something I wish I could do......think outside the (jury) box!

A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to 5 year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb,
Laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Moral of this story:
Don't mess with Lawyers....manipulation is their game



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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby dita » Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:30 am

:roflmao: :roflmao:
Thats a good one Daffyd :ithanku:
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Re: Let me tell you a story.....

Postby Penny » Tue Feb 12, 2013 7:02 pm

Brilliant, I love it.cheers Penny
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