Things to ponder

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Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:14 pm

Have you ever had a ponder? I often have a ponder but unfortunately I am left with more questions than I have asked...... for instance....

Is the secret of old age.... to live longer?
Have you noticed cabs come in threes..... and golfers in fores?
Do butchers get a raw deal?

You see where I'm coming from?

Does a cyber cafe have chips on the menu?
Is a bigamist an Italian fog?
Is a suffragette a lady who lives under the flight path of the city airport?

Ladies...when you feel the sap rising, do you lie still in the hope that he might bring you a cup of coffe in bed?

I'll ponder some more and get back to you......... :sunglasses:
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby Penny » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:50 pm

I like these, more please. cheers Penny
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:05 pm

Well I was at a loose end so I took a walk to the park, found a nice secluded spot with a none too comfortable bench, nevertheless I settled down to ponder...... thus.....

If one was driving by the seat of their pants (sorry ladies) could that lead to a bum steer?

Should one marry a tennis player? Love means nothing to them.

If you give a polished performance (such as this) will people take a shine to you?

For people (like me) who like peace and quiet should you buy the a phoneless cord?

I've often wondered (or should that be pondered?) does a person with nerves of steel suffer from metal fatigue?

In my case middle age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist exchange places.

Well gotta be moving on.....catch you later.


Haste ye back...... :sunglasses:
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby Penny » Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:16 pm

Brilliant, thanks daffyd. cheers Penny
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:47 pm

You are welcome....it is nice to share one's thoughts.....

I wonder if......
A smile increases your face value?
When eskimos get married, can one expect an icy reception?
Is cod liver oil good for vitamen 'dee-fish-in-sea'?
Is any fear of flying, groundless?
I got to pondering the other day that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years!

Not a lot of people know that!
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby Penny » Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:34 pm

super, love this sort of thing. cheers Penny
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Fri Apr 20, 2012 11:20 am

There are some wondrous things upon which to ponder, if one relaxes and lets one's mind wander.....

No one ever ruined their eyesight looking on the bright side.
Have you noticed some people are like blisters, they appear only when the work is finished (Oh! Hello there!)
I've noticed that if I drink too much my wife gets slurred hearing.
I've concluded the best way to break a habit is, drop it!
It is said that bird lovers will do anything for a lark!
Pondering has taught me that if you intend stringing people along, you'd better have a very good yarn.
Take incarnation, personally I believe in it, so I have left everything to myself!


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Re: Things to ponder

Postby Penny » Sat Apr 21, 2012 3:44 pm

Brilliant, cheers Penny
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:58 pm

In my pondering I have wondered thus.....

Does a squashed square become a wrecked angle?
Is a dentist always beset by teething problems?
Oh and, would one say that a dentist's locum is to fill in and bridge any gaps?
In the old days did journalists suffer from Reuters cramp?
I once knew a bellringer who dropped a clanger (no, no, that is not all of my ponder) ...he dropped a clanger and was promptly tolled off by the vicar!
It is by keeping such things in the dark that troubles may well mushroom....in my opinion!
I've concluded that some people have the need to feel superior....the rest of us have a sense of humour.


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Re: Things to ponder

Postby dita » Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:39 pm

Love em! Thanks Daffyd
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Sun May 06, 2012 8:26 pm

I closed the windows and doors, unplugged the radio and the TV, settled in my all encompassing arm chair and closed my eyes drifted off into that land that has an ongoing horizon and pondered thus.......

As a comedian I prefer to live in the farce lane.
If one agrees to something in principle does that mean they don't expect to put it into practice?
When you come to think of it....unemployment does have benefits.
If you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
I used to diet to lose weight..... now its to save money!
Hmm...I never argue with my wife because its just my word against....hundreds of hers!
Now that I have dampened down all the extraneous noise I have concluded that silence is wonderful....I won't hear a word against it!


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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Thu May 10, 2012 7:22 pm

It were a Bank Holiday weekend......so I had time on my hands and settled down to some serious pondering....


Would you say to write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless?

When fish are in schools do they sometimes . . . take debate?

Should a thief who stole a calendar . . . get twelve months?

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles can . . . U.C.L.A.?

Would a professor's theory on earthquakes be on . . . shaky ground.

Would batteries given out be . . . free of charge?

If a dentist and a manicurist married. . . when they fought, would it be tooth and nail?

Is a will a . . . dead giveaway?

This is serious pondering....deep, deep, thinking......

If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed?

Would a lady with her marriage, get a new name . . . and a dress?

If you show me a piano falling down a mineshaft I'll show you . . . A-flat miner.

Would you be stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it?

Would you call the Local Area Network in Australia : . . . the LAN down under?

I would wager a boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.

Eggsellent pondering so far.......

Woulde you call police to a day care where a three-year-old was .. . . resisting a rest?

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . jog your memory?

The reason why a bicycle can't stand alone; . . . is it is two tired.

Does a clock when hungry . . . go back four seconds ?

If one who gets too big for their britches be . . . exposed in the end?

Is Acupuncture: . . . a jab well done?



Wow! that was tiring!

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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Mon May 14, 2012 4:53 pm

Pondering is puzzling, raising more questions than answers.... here is what I mean....

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Is a gossip (no not you) is a gossip someone with a good sense of humour?
It is not necessarily the person with the tallest flagpole who has the highest standards.
If you are always forgetting your post code does it need to be addressed?
My advice to ladies is, 'Hang on to your husbands, they may come back into fashion.'
My wife said she needed more space? So I left her outside in the garden for a week!
I liken my wife unto a camera which of course we all know, never lies! She just changes the subject!
Don't you think that one should never use a big word when a diminutive expression will suffice!

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Re: Things to ponder

Postby Monika » Mon May 14, 2012 9:58 pm

I've only just come across these, daffyd.

Excellent and very clever.
If at first you don't succeed, sky diving isn't for you!
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Re: Things to ponder

Postby daffyd » Wed May 16, 2012 8:01 pm

Thanks Monika, I jot these down whilst I am searching for the fishing hook! Know what ah mean?
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