Two Irishmen in London were strolling along Oxford Street. After
walking for a few minutes, Paddy turns to Seamus with a look of amazement on
his face and says: "Shay, will you have a look at that shop over there:
I thought that London was supposed to be expensive, but that place is as
cheap as chips!"
Seamus says: "Paddy you're right, so you are. Will you have a look at
that. Suits £10.00, Shirts £4.00, Trousers £5.00. I think we should buy
the lot and take them back to Ireland. We'd make a tidy profit selling
them in Dublin, so we would." Paddy says in agreement: "Shay, that's as
good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure that you have to
pay taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us
have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."
Seamus thinks for a moment and says: "Paddy, I've got an idea! You can do
the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the
talking, and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never
guess we're Irish, so he won't.
" Right ye be, Shay", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."
So the two Men of Erin go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely
by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Alf Garnett impression:
"Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave twenny of yer Whistle "n" Flutes, twenny
Dickie Dirts, "n" twenny pairs o' trarsies. An' if yer don't mind,
I'll be paying with the 380 Pictures of the Queen in my Sky Rocket."
On hearing this the owner smiles, takes a look at Seamus as well, and
then says: "You're Irish, aren't you?" Quite bemused, Paddy replies
"Oh bejaysus, if that ain't me best English accent! How in God's name did
you know we was Irish?" The owner grins and replies: "This is a dry cleanersing shop."