Airline humour

[dabthoms]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.


P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[DaisyB]

It was sent me years ago, titled SQUARKS

SQUARKS

“Squarks” are problems noted by the US Airforce pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) =Problems (S) = Solution


P. Left inside tire almost needs replacement
S. Almost replaced left inside tire

P. Test flight OK, except auto land very rough
S. Auto land not installed on this aircraft

P. No 2 propeller seeping fluid
S .No 2 propeller seepage normal – No 1, No 3, No 4 propellers lack normal seepage

P. Something loose in cockpit
S. Something tightened in cockpit

P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S.Evidence removed

P. DME volume unbelievably loud
S. Volume set to more believable level

P. Dead bugs on windshield
S. Live bugs on order

P. Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm decent
S. Problem cannot be reproduced on ground

P. IFF inoperative
S. IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S. That’s what they are there for

P. Number three engine missing
S. Engine found on right wing after brief search

P. Aircraft handles funny
S. Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly straight” and be serious

P. Target radar hums
S. Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

Slight differences.
Coming from the motor trade, we also get similar Q&As

[Rowan]

[dabthoms]

Well, that made my day!

[Anya]

Anybody due to fly soon?

[Rowan]

Not now!!

[Monsy]