For Catholics only

[dabthoms]

This information is for Catholics only.
It must not be divulged to non-Catholics....the less they know about these
rituals and code words, the better off they are.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.


BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.


CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to
lip-sync.


HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.


HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that
of the congregation's range.


RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly,
since most of the people have already left.


INCENSE: Holy Smoke!


JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with
good basketball teams.


JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.


JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.


KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize
besides gyros and baklava.


MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.*


PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.


PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of
altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.


RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by
parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.


RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know
when to sit, kneel, and stand.


TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David
Letterman.


USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of
a pew.


Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas:


1. There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos.


2. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute
casino chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are
hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and
they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the
chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino
chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos
turning chips into cash.


And he is known as ........ The Chip Monk!

[Polter60]

During a debate about surrogate mothers, a Vatican spokesman said they were totally opposed to surrogate mothers ............... to which someone commented ............ good job that lot weren't about when Jesus was born!

[Mgzy]

[Rowan]

[dejavou]

[Monsy]