A Trilogy (Whilst I remember)

[Daffyd]

It was his birthday.... yes he was 93 years old today. His carer in the Home thought, 'What can I do for him to make his day?' After a while the carer unable to think of anything appropriate approached the old man and asked, "What would you like for your birthday treat?"
The old man looked at his carer with a care worn tear in his eye and he said, "I would like a bath in a tin bath in front of the fire, filled with water and those soft white bubbles."
"That you shall have." said his carer and set about preparing the rather strange request.
The old man was duly assisted into the bath and left to luxuriate in those soft white bubbles. Now the carer could not leave him entirely alone, so stood on the outside of the room and left the door slightly ajar.
After a while the carer heard the old man talking to himself. Looking through the the crack in the door he saw the old man lifting his toes out of the water and addressing his toes he said, "Happy birthday toes, you are 93 today." He then proceeded to raise both knees clear of the water, "Happy birthday knees you are 93 today."
Moving further up his torso he raised his penis out of the water and he said, "If you had lived you would have been 93 today."


Further along the corridor an 84 year old woman was having a terrible day. Aches, pains, and frequent 'accidents' it all had been going on far too long, she was seriously contemplating suicide. She pondered and wondered and the only method she could come up with was that of shooting herself with her husband's service revolver. Her biggest and only worry at that time was, what if she only wounded herself?
To ensure everything would be done right she decided to shoot herself in the heart. Not too sure exactly where her heart was she phoned the doctor and asked him.... where abouts her heart was situated.
He informed her that it was approximately two inches below her left nipple.
Later that day a gunshot rang out and the paramedics were called to an old lady who had shot off her left kneecap.


In a light vein a young lady about to be married to a macho tattooed matelot thought she would prepare a surprise for him on their wedding night. She decided to have a tattoo herself. She went to a tattoo parlour and asked the tattooist to tattoo two buterflies, one on each cheek of her butt.
The tattooist (new in the business) said, "I'm not awfully good at butterflies, but I can do beautiful bees."
She agreed to have the 'bees'
All went well and on the night of their wedding she got him to lie on the bed whilst she slowly disrobed. Finally the last item of clothing was discarded and she turned from him and bent over to show off her new tattoo....
Her new husband was aghast....... "Who the hell is B O B?" he wailed!

[Maywalk]