Scripture Lesson

[DaisyB]

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk
>grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and
>maintain her composure!
>
>PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
>
>IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!
>
>IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED
>QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
>
>THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
>
>THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
>
>INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>
>
>
>1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING
>THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
>OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
>3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
>DURING THE NIGHT.
>
>4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
>WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
>5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
>LIKE DELILAH.
>
>6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
>WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS ..
>
>8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
>WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>9 THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
>10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
>11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
>HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
>STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
>13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
>FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
>16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
>JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
>17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
>18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
>19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
>BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
>SWEAT ALONE.
>
>20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
>THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
>IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
>
>

[Rowan]

[dejavou]