very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to blackouts Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the
time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told
her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be
sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill
out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee
maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old because you stop laughing.
