I was in the garden the other day sharpening the razor wire which I had erected to deter the purveyors of junk mail when I heard a distinct... rrrrrring...rrrrrring... I immediately knew it was the telephone because I had heard it make that sound once before in 1958.
I went back into the house...I had to because that is where I keep the telephone...yes it was still there pinned to the wall. I pick up the ear piece and placed it against my left ear....I did that because my right eardrum had suffered a little damage from the draught listening through keyholes when I was gainfully employed as a Private Investigator.
I knew the procedure for answering phones because I had kept the book that came with the phone..... "Hello? hello? Ilkley Moor 747"
I was answered by the sexist female voice I'd heard in the whole of my life.... French to boot!
"Ello? ello? mon cherie...'ow would you like a dirty weekend in Paris?"
There was for a brief few moments.... silence on the line.... and the voice said.....
"Hey..hey... 'ave I shocked you?"
I dashed back to the phone and almost shouted.....
"No, no, ..... I was packing!"
