Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your b****y plane!"
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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"