Sleeping with a Dog....
The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is
the striking weight difference between an alert, awake dog and a dog
at rest.
Rule #1: The deeper the sleep, the heavier the dog.
Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather
than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring
canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines
steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the
center position on the bed with all covers carefully tucked under
them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective
in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred.
A jealous dog can worm his way between a couple and, with the proper
spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the
floor!
Rule #2: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.
As you cling to the edge, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup
begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible.
Once that happens, your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of
canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running", lots of
eye movement and then suddenly, a shrieking howl blasting through
the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call
haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup
insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel
Boone cap. Night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of
bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly, and the
heap of dog flesh sleeps, breathing heavily and passing wind.
Rule #3: When the dog wakes, you wake.
Too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive
and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself
centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. Others romp all
over your sleeping bodies. Passing gas is a never fail wake-up call.
The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your
face. Equally effective is the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in
an unsuspecting ear.
So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's
just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night -- safe,
contented, heavy, and loud!